FUNDRAISING FOR CAMBODIAN NGO

Dear Friends,

 As you may know, a few years ago, I volunteered in a school located in Cambodia.  Now a former student, Rattana Mai is trying to raise funding for a Cambodian NGO.  From my experience in this country, after spending several months as a volunteer in the city of Siem Reap and living as a local, I know how much Cambodia relies on tourism and how hard this pandemic has affected this area.

Rattana is hoping to raise funds for ‘Protect the Environment, Protect Yourself’ (PEPY).  This organization helps educate Cambodian youth with skills, opportunities and inspiration to reach their potential. PEPY allows the youth to pursue successful careers, therefore improving the quality of their lives.  For more information about this organization please visit the following link: http://pepyempoweringyouth.org/

I would like to ask for your support for this great cause.  You can be assured that 100% of your funding will be going directly to PEPY.  To make this fundraising process a whole lot of fun for you (and mostly me), I would like to offer you some vegan baked goods (delivered to your door, if you live in Ottawa) in exchange for your generous donations.  However, if you prefer no baked good, that is fine as well. 

Please donate here:  Help Rural Cambodian Youth Through COVID-19 Crisis organized by Rattana Mai

Help Rural Cambodian Youth Through COVID-19 Crisis organized by Rattana Mai PEPY Empowering Youth is a non-profit organisation located in Siem Reap… Rattana Mai needs your support for Help...

Now the fun part!  Here is a breakdown of what you can get:

$20 donation (choose one):

1.      12 pumpkin Sugar cookies

2.      12 pieces tahini swirl fudge

$30 donation (choose one):

1.     6 cupcakes (lemon, vanilla or pumpkin spice flavours)

2.     6 carrot cake muffins

$40 donation (choose one):

1.     6 gluten-free chocolate chip muffins

2.     6 gluten-free raspberry scones

$50 donation (choose one):

1.     8-inch lemon blueberry cake

2.     8-inch vanilla strawberry cake

If you have any other baking requests, please let me know, I can probably swing it provided it is vegan.  I really appreciate your help in help raise funding for this incredible organization. 

Rattana and I back in 2011 when I was volunteering at Anjali House (https://anjali-house.com/) This was taken at the wrap party for the play the kids performed. 

HABITS

Puja is just a habit. I mean who I know myself to be is really just a habit. A habit, as defined by Wikipedia is 'a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously. '

My behaviour, my likes, dislikes, my values, morals, ideas, beliefs are all just habitual patterns that have cemented in my brain and in my mind over the last 39 years. 

Tonight, tired and zoning out, I look at the rug in front of me and I notice that I didn't know what colour it is. Is it navy, grey, teal? This little piece of soft rug I have stood on day in, day out, is foreign to me for a few seconds. And then I wonder 'what if I forgot colours?' What if I didn't know something so basic anymore. And then what if I forgot the names of common objects? We do forget the names of common items sometimes don't we? Like the name of a tree, a certain flower or animal. 
We forget the names of things we don't encounter everyday. The things we don't have a habit of repeating and familiarizing ourselves with daily. It happens sometimes doesn't it? It's just information that's been passed down. You're a couple of years old and point to an object and are told it's name; bottle, spoon, ball.  It's all just repetition. 

So I wonder what if I forgot? What if I forgot the world around me? And what if I also forgot my name and age and my race and my culture? And then what if I forgot myself? That part of myself which I call me - the voice in my head with it's constant dialogue that gives rise to emotions and thoughts. The self that says 'I need to loose the muffin top'; 'I wish I could act like that. I'm not confident enough to get roles like that.' - That self. What if I forgot my deep seated beliefs and those repetitive voices? What if, inside, I was silent. I was no one. Like being dead but the body being alive. Who would I be if the habit of Puja was no longer?

The habit of 'me' is so strong. It's the default. Everytime a new situation arises I go back to default and that default is 'being the victim'. Comparing and then judging myself and feeling small and not enough. I wanna break this habit. 
Puja in my heart - who is she 

Puja now is different to who puja used to be. Will the real Puja please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
If 3 year old Puja was left alone and not taught anything who would she be? Soft, sensitive, caring, loving.
Puja in my heart is an optimist. She is understanding. She loves animals and children. 

Funny thing is the only times I can remember being really happy and me was before the age of about 10 and the first two years at the ashram. I can't remember who I was when I was young but I remember me at the ashram. I felt free. 

BEHIND THE SCENES OF BILINGUAL FILM BROKEN WATERS

Had so much fun on set. Amazing cast and crew!

AM I BACK? SURE...FOR NOW

Who am I? What is my thing? What's my background? What's my plan?
Questions I face these days and ones I don't know how to answer. I wanted to write something eloquent and well thought out about my experience and being back but if there's one thing I know it's that shit don't always go as we planned. Figuratively and literally.
Self expression is most honest when it doesn't ask for permission and just flows out of you because it has to, not when you're sitting in a beautiful coffee shop sipping a Starbucks but when you're leaning over a cold grey granite counter, elbows beginning to hurt.

I've been back in Ottawa for almost 5 months after being away overseas for about 5 years. Four of those years were spent living in an ashram in the northern part of India by the Ganga river (that's what us Punjabis call it). I should be in a different state, I should be all zen and at peace and radiating joy all the time.

I thought I'd be strong enough to handle the change in pace going from a quiet and simple life to one that is all about 'showing' yourself to the world. I don't know how to do that. Gosh if anything, I sort of feel like the ashram impaired me from knowing how to be in this technology crazed, social media obsessed, consumption overloading, goal oriented society. I sound bitter. I don't want to be.
But it's me. It's not the ashram - the beautiful, peaceful, place I still call home that is at fault. It's me. But am I even at fault?

Why can't I just wake up and be overjoyed and stay in the present and truly understand, actually not understand but REALIZE (not using the mind) that the NOW is all there is and I'm consciousness not a little person, as Eckhart Tolle teaches us. Why am I not fully awake? Why are some negative perspectives so fucking hard to get rid of? At times I feel grown, open, receptive to life and in the flow and then there are times I go right back to the little Puja who left Ottawa in 2011.

I text with my Russian friend today and I understand I'm not alone. We're all going through our own shit. Two steps forward, one back and we look up and wonder what for.
Who are we competing against? Who are we trying to show our life to? Who are we doing it for? Why all the effort? I say fuck it.

Maybe I don't need goals, I don't need to know what I want, maybe I don't need to understand the mystery of life, maybe I can just be the way I am without fully understanding what that is. Maybe I can live a life without burdening myself with guilt for not doing more, being more, being more 'spiritual' (what that entails, I still don't know). Maybe I can just be.

Wars rage on, on the other side of the world and my heart goes out to the victims of such atrocities as I skim over headlines wanting to avoid the reality. I don't know how I can help. It's not about me though. I need to do what I need to do in the life I'm leading right now. I doubt but mostly I trust life to let her work through me so I know what I need to do, what I need to be, to be a part of the awakening, the healing.

Today I will work on Love. I will not act out of fear, anger, sadness. I will love fully or at least try.
And if that's the only thing I took away from my time at the ashram, then so be it.

Maybe next time someone asks what my plan is or what I'm doing I'll just say 'I'm a perfect expression of the universe trying to know itself through the means of this body.' And who said I wasn't spiritual;)

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT DEPRESSION - A TOP 10 LIST

If you've ever had or are currently dealing with depression you'll relate to the following and if you know someone who is then you really should read this.


1.  Just because I have a mental illness doesn't mean I'm now 5 years old. I can still read the tone in your voice as you ask me if I'm up-to-date on emails. That 'look' you give me when you see me working, as if I'm a maniac about to blow up any second. If you feel the need to treat me 'special' or see me any different than when you didn't know I had depression, just remember your actions are being felt and it's extremely patronizing which of course doesn't help. But I'll survive. I have till now.

2.  Just because my brain is foggy doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. Yes I may forget stuff and am having a hard time concentrating but I know what needs to get done and I'm trying my best to do it. Your assumption that i'm now physically challenged isn't helping. But I'll survive. I have till now.

3.  Just because I feel like I'm carrying a 1000 pound weight on my shoulder and am about to collapse at any moment doesn't mean I can't listen to your problems. In fact it can be a relief to get out of my own mind for a while and focus on you. I still have a heart and can offer advice and empathy. Last I checked I was a human just like you.

4.  Just because I have an illness you know nothing about doesn't mean it's contagious. Maybe that look you give me is actually one of fear and seeing me is a reflection of the darkness within you so you walk away because you would rather not deal but walking away from me can feel like a thousand daggers to the heart. But i'll survive. I have till now.

5.  Just because I have depression doesn't mean you have to walk on egg shells around me. Yes I may be a sensitive person and situations gets construed in my mind as negative but that doesn't mean I'm about to scream and yell or slit my wrists if you're not overly polite and gentle with me. I'm a person, not a fragile bird. In fact if you speak the truth it can be a huge relief. I'll survive. I have till now.

6.  Just because you've been around people who have had depression, doesn't make you an expert on the illness. Everyone's depression affects them differently and what works for one person may not for the next. You can't really know depression unless you've been in that dark hole yourself. It's like saying you're an expert on all the qualities of honey; consistency, molecular make-up, smell, but you don't know honey until you've tasted it.

7.  Just because I can't articulate what I'm going through doesn't mean I'm making it all up. All you may see and understand is that my thoughts are negative but it's so much more than that. It's a real illness and because it's not so easy to detect and the causes for it can be so vast and varied,  unfortunately it's not taken seriously a lot of the times. But I'll survive. I have till now.

8.  Just because I say I'm fine and push you away doesn't mean I don't need a hug. Sometimes that's all I need but keep your pity aside please. Just a human to human 'it's going to be okay' hug will do. But if you don't, I'll survive. I have till now.

9.  Just because you find it hard to be around me doesn't mean it's easy for me to be around myself. In fact whatever you're feeling and thinking about me, multiply that by a hundred and that's likely what I'm feeling and thinking about myself. I already feel worthless so knowing you can't 'handle' me makes it all the worse. But I'll survive. I have till now.

10.  Just because I've grown with this depression for years doesn't mean I'm superhuman now and can just bounce right back.  The worst part is the guilt that comes with knowing that happiness is a choice and knowing my life is in my control yet feeling completely out of control. Knowing that I am more than my mind makes me feel even worse when depression does take its hold of me because I should know better right? I may just be more confused than you about how it's possible depression can affect such a usually positive person like myself.

But it's all good because I know this too shall pass and so I pick myself back up everyday because I know if I don't no one will and because if I give in now, depression would have won along with all those misconceptions about it. Despite what everyone says, we are fighters, warriors in fact. The fight we fight is very much alone, quietly in our own minds & hearts and the battle wounds are buried deep within. But we'll survive. We have till now.

MOVIE ABOUT MY TRIP TO DHARAMSALA

https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/oJRUE4hAXhB_YASAr7ev8NMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=directlink - Paste this link

From July 9, 2015

FUNDRAISER FOR AN NGO IN ORLEANS, OTTAWA

I'm having a HUGE GARAGE & BAKE SALE TO RAISE FUNDS FOR AUROVALLEY SCHOOL 

(www.aurovalley.com)

If you're reading this you've probably heard about my involvement with the Ashram's school which provides a free, safe and harmonious atmosphere for children of the village of Raiwala.

It's an on-going project where we are improving the school in every aspect; refurbishing the old building; changing the style of 'teaching' which we'd like to be closer to a free-progress style; bringing in volunteers who want to dedicate their time at the ashram to this growing project.



The New School Building

 

So what exactly does this UNIQUE Garage sale entail?

• A Bollywood themed celebration of life - we're the house with loud film songs blasting!

• Baked goods (come enjoy samosas, cupcakes and fresh lemonade)

• And of course awesome items to purchase including a brand new microwave, treadmill and some barely used household items, books, shoes and everything in between!

 

WHEN: AUGUST 10TH @ 10AM

WHERE: 616 MERKLEY DR. (In Orleans behind Sir Wilfrid Laurier High School - Off Tenth Line Rd. from Hwy. 417)


If you are unable to stop by to contribute but want to help me raise funds you can do so by clicking the 'Donate' button below which will direct you to Paypal and then all you need is your credit card.

Thank you to all in advance!