WAY BEYOND WORDS

I don’t know how to place the words together. I’m out of practice. My energy lent to matters and activities that are new to me. There’s less to share, to tell. For the first time words seem to escape me. They don’t seem to be enough in order to encapsulate all that is happening yet it’s all happening at once in one big complex movement. The little me is on a ride, the real me is it.

Sometimes it flows sometimes I stand still, yet other times the movements of everyday life seem so trivial compare to the peaceful place I reside in and that’s when I realize I’m flying. The moments of truth are still far and few in between however I take solace in knowing the gaps will lessen.

I no longer obsess with what’s next because I understand the real work is to know what this ‘I’ is. The I that has dominated my thoughts, actions and inactions. I’ve had fleeting moments where upon catching my own reflection I knew that, that wasn’t me. Of course it’s a part of me but not the one that has any sort of meaning. The truth of me is far too wide and vast to be defined by a physical body. It would be as though as a single separate organism I was placed on a hostile Earth to figure out how to survive while not knowing why I was trying so hard. For so long that’s what I believed. I’m so glad to know I was deluded. Chasing the next thing; career, money, happiness, friends, boyfriends, new experiences, material goods. I’m so grateful for being so trapped and lost in that world that I eventually exploded.

Life is no longer a struggle; swimming against the current trying to reach a goal that doesn’t even exist. I’m learning to let go and trust in the flow of life to guide me. I take comfort in not knowing. I am free. And now as I stop for a minute to read back what I have written I realize it can never be enough to convey what is. The truth. No matter how eloquently put, words will remain just that – sounds that once heard are transformed into thoughts but which are still not the thing which it is describing. Knowing the Divine is way beyond words.

A QUICK VISIT TO WOODSTOCK

May 19, 2013 – Mussoorie

It felt like I had turned back the clock eighteen years these past few days as I climbed up the steep hills along the curvey roads on the foothills of the Himalayas. Last time I did this I was a freshman at Woodstock boarding school still adjusting to life in India and dorms.

Me and Minam by the school gate

At 13 it was my first time being away from home and from the comforts of familiar settings. There was fear and anxiety as I learned how to fit into a system that was so culturally different from the one I had come from yet there was so much excitement and joy as I was introduced to a new way of life – one that opened my eyes to a world that was tough and gritty yet exuberant and bustling. Even then I knew the flavour of this life was one that had awakened up a craving for another taste.   

Dorms in the background

Now after close to two decades later as I reminisce of old times with my Woodstock friend Minam, it’s as though the remnants of our past still linger between the little cracks of the hole-in-the-wall shops we’d hang around in; giggling, gossiping and being kids. I can almost hear the laughter and then I ask myself, where’d the time go? All that is left are fading memories that I find myself clinging onto as I walk past the unchanged Budhu Ram’s shoe shop. (I don’t think there was a Woodstocker who didn’t own a pair of hand-crafted shoes made by the old man himself who’s legacy is now left behind with each of us who have walked miles in those one of a kind leather sandals).



On the 2nd floor of quad building

The fresh mountain-side air, the heavy oak and sky scrapping pine trees mingling with the famous deodar trees, the grandeur of the distant hills and the antics of the clever monkeys was once so entrenched in our day to day life that it went unnoticed as the backdrop to our experience. But now starring out at the horizon a wave of nostalgia washes over me as I can’t help but notice the splendour of it all and realizing just how lucky we really were. Of course at 13 when you’re still testing the limits of the environment around you, you don’t have much appreciation for the unique life you’re living until the years go by and nothing you’ve experienced thus far compares to the time you spent tucked away along a range of foothills with little to no contact with the outside world; a bubble that only those who have once spent time in could understand the logic of making mac&cheese in a kettle and how that was a treat over school food.



The new and improved dorms cafe



Wow an empty quad!

I have often wondered why I left after only one year and I don’t think I’ll really ever know what I was feeling or thinking at the time of my decision – heck I was only 14 so I don’t think I was too concerned about my future. I was only thinking about how I didn’t want to continue struggling to catch up academically to my peers who were already all so familiar with the intense curriculum that prepares students for the top Universities and Colleges around the world. From what I remember, it was a quick decision and before I knew it I was back in my old settings – home at my parents’ house in Ottawa, Canada. Fitting back into the life I thought I knew so well was a challenge. I had gone through a fundamental change. Not only did I sound different (a mix of Hinglish, British and every Asian accent you can think of) I felt different. The little girl had grown up.

A beautifully renovated 'study hall'

And now as I walk into Parker Hall the memory of the first day of school comes rushing back. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the visual - Ms. Hoffman, in the middle of her welcome back to school speech, looked up at Lizzy and I, who were sitting on the balcony (we were late – of course it was my fault), and told us to quiet down and to come see her after assembly. It was my first of many encounters with staff where I would be getting into trouble. I lost count of how many SMD’s (Saturday Morning Detentions) I served. Of course it was never my fault. I mean seriously it’s not easy to abide by a 10pm lights out call!

Yup there's the balcony up there

But even with the tough times I went through at school it’s still hard not to feel a lump in my throat as I walk down the halls of Midlands' dorms which are crammed with those heavy silver trunks – again one of those Woodstock things.

Midlands' hallway

 

 

It's all gone!

 

 

 

Minam and I are shocked when we see the grade nine wing or should I say lack thereof. The grade nine wing was the area that most of us freshmen lived in for the year. It’s now a conference hall. 

The space where my 1st semester room used to be

I was hoping to see ‘Puja was here ‘94’ carved into some old piece of furniture but no such luck. My first semester room is now a laundry room, so sad.

Way too many SMDs in this library

Minam and I shoot a few hoops, take loads of pictures and continue discussing the old days on our trek back up to school.

Totally missed

 

Where the freshmen would hang out/study

 

Walkng down from Midlands

And then it’s over. No trunk or suitcases accompanying me this time. Just me, my small backpack and beautiful memories of a time that passed by way too quickly. Looking out the taxi window on my way down the winding roads and I have a thought: hold onto each moment like it’s the last because you won’t get another chance; breathe it in, live it to the fullest, absorb as much as you can, live, learn, step back and move forward…



I LOVE BEING ABLE TO SEE

April 25, 2013

I had my first hospital experience while living at the ashram. I’ve been a bit concerned about my eyes lately due to a bruise like feeling I had on my left eyeball a fews days ago. It has now subsided; I think it was just tiredness. Anyhow that, coupled with my history of a retinal detachment, I didn’t want to take any chances so I popped over to a private hospital in Dehradun, The Himalyan. Being a private hospital I knew it would be a lot cleaner than the government hospital I had been to in Delhi. It was. Registration was quick and then I was told to head to the eye care wing of this large institution. I was first seen, after a short wait, by a young fellow whose English was great. He then passed me onto a nurse who further checked out my eyes and who was somewhat knowledgeable about retinal detachments and assured me that they had a retinal specialist on duty who would be treating me. I relaxed a little. Of course when this same nurse told me she’d have to put drops in my eyes to dilate my pupils and that I would experience “bluding” I freaked. I have been through this process dozens of times and there is no blooding involved. “No not blooding, blurrying,” reassured the nurse. Phew. I had been seconds away from running out of that hospital. It was a blessing the nurse could speak English, I shouldn’t judge her on her heavy Indian accent even though I nearly had a panic attack seconds earlier. So three rounds of dilation drops and blurry eyes I was ready to be seen by the Doc. The Doctor was a beautiful  woman whose English, of course, was better than anyone else I had encountered. I was impressed by her professionalism.  She was efficient, gentle and knowledgeable. After about ten minutes of a thorough examination I was told I had nothing to worry about. Exactly what I wanted to hear. However she did say that if I was in the area for the next six months to come back and see her again since there is a spot in the left eye that seems to be thinning but it’s not close to being thin enough to do laser on and it’s not anything I need to worry about. I also mentioned my paranoia of having glaucoma. She did a quick pressure test and once again I was in the clear! This hasn’t always been the case in most my eye appointments so I was thrilled. The prescription for the day: a few eye drops to keep my eyes from getting too dried out while wearing contacts. Easy peasy. I left happy. Squinting but happy and so, so incredibly grateful I can see. Something we take for granted in our busy day to day lives – the ability to see life. Thank you!

GROWING SOULS AT AUROVALLEY SCHOOL

Alejandra's beautiful creation

So the new session began at the beginning of this month. We have 4 teachers each of who are responsible for their class of no more than 10 children. We've begun to incorporate nature, music, physical education and more art in each class and I've already noticed a positive change in some of the children. There's still a lot of work to do and a lot of fundraising to be done so that we can have a 'proper' school building and playground for these beautiful children.

Minam (an old friend from grade 9 who came to visit me) adding details to the tree

Adding more leaves

With the help of many friends and visitors to Aurovalley, we have cleaned, organized, sewn, painted put in lots of hours and energy into creating a warm and fun space for the children and teachers of Raiwala.
A big thanks to all who have participated either through donations or physical labour. All help has been very much appreciated and it is always welcomed.  Here are some pictures of the last few weeks and the progress we have made.
If you would like to participate in the Aurovalley School Project you can click on the Paypal link below which will direct you to my account. All funds go towards building and sustaining the Aurovalley school which hopes to grow conscious souls for a conscious future!

For bank transfer:
All donations are exempt from income tax under section 80G of the Income Tax Act, and can be made by cash, money order, check, or deposited in favor of Aurovalley Ashram Society:

SWIFT No.: CNRBINBBKFD
Intermediary bank of NY: ABA 021000018
Corresponding Bank: Bank of New York, New
York (BONY)
Account Details: Aurovalley Ashram Society
SB A/C No. 2225101004969
Canara Bank (Hardwar Code 2225)
Railway Road, Hardwar - Uttrakhand - INDIA
Beneficiary Bank: Canara Bank of Kanpur


Olivia helping to sort out the kids games
 

The teachers and the children with their art folders

Minam in the Himilayas;)





One of the teacher's birthday. The kids got cake and ballons!

Diana handing out treats (the kids get them every Saturday)

 

Antonia painting a ladybug in the play room

 

COMING ALONG...FUNDRAISING TO BUILD A SCHOOL

Okay so I've had my first 'official' teachers meeting letting the teachers know about all the changes I'm implementing. This school will be a free progress learning centre which allows children the time and space to grow from within using creativity to discover their own inner truth. We won't be implemeting any hard strict rules like in most government run Indian schools.

So we're painting, organizing and cleaning to make sure the 'new system' will be ready to go for April 1st. We're still using random rooms as classrooms since our old school building is no longer usable.
So if you want to help me build a sustainable future for the children of Raiwala please donate!

Thanks to some amazing people I have raised $1140 Canadian dollars. The new goal is $3000 so $1860 more to go!!! To donate is really easy. Just click on the donate button below and enter your credit card info. Easy peasy!




For bank transfer:
All donations are exempt from income tax under section 80G of the Income Tax Act, and can be made by cash, money order, check, or deposited in favor of Aurovalley Ashram Society:

SWIFT No.: CNRBINBBKFD
Intermediary bank of NY: ABA 021000018
Corresponding Bank: Bank of New York, New
York (BONY)
Account Details: Aurovalley Ashram Society
SB A/C No. 2225101004969
Canara Bank (Hardwar Code 2225)
Railway Road, Hardwar - Uttrakhand - INDIA
Beneficiary Bank: Canara Bank of Kanpur


Here are just a couple of pictures of some of the work we've been doing:

Team work!



Olivia and Sarah painting the tailoring room - one of our makeshift classrooms





 

 

UPDATE ON FUNDRAISING FOR KIDS IN INDIA

I bought a blackboard, a whiteboard and some essentials today for our growing school!

Okay since I've surpassed the original goal of $400 due to wonderful people, I am doing the impossible, or what I once thought was close to impossible - I am going to try and rebuild the school here! We just need to refurbish it and reconstruct the first floor to have it up and functioning again.

Of course we'll have to hire a couple of more teachers and get some more supplies but the main thing is to get the building up and running again and slowly build from there. I'm estimating I'll need about $4000 or at least that much to get the main work done. For the time being we have been using the playroom and art room as makeshift classrooms. Would be really nice to give these children the feeling of having a proper school to go to and hopefully encouraging older children in the surrounding village to get a free education in a supportive atmosphere.  You can donate to my paypal account or by bank transfer to the ashram (details below).

Thanks.




For bank transfer:
All donations are exempt from income tax under section 80G of the Income Tax Act, and can be made by cash, money order, check, or deposited in favor of Aurovalley Ashram Society:

SWIFT No.: CNRBINBBKFD
Intermediary bank of NY: ABA 021000018
Corresponding Bank: Bank of New York, New
York (BONY)
Account Details: Aurovalley Ashram Society
SB A/C No. 2225101004969
Canara Bank (Hardwar Code 2225)
Railway Road, Hardwar - Uttrakhand - INDIA
Beneficiary Bank: Canara Bank of Kanpur

The old school building

This used to be the playground - needs fixing up as well



This is the old 'office' - and now you know why it needs a make-over

We brought over the little chairs and desks from the old school building to put inside the playroom so the kids can sit in chairs and do their work as oppose to the floor. Sarah helped me with the set-up.

 

FUNDRAISING FOR THE KIDS OF INDIA

As most of you know, I've been living at an ashram  (Aurovalley Ashram) in India for the past while and I've been volunteering here in many different ways. One of the ways is teaching and organizing at the ashram's school.

About 30 children, between the ages of 4-8, come to Aurovalley six days a week from the surrounding village of Raiwala to learn, grow and play. Our three young teachers, Rakhi, Ritu and Ujita, do their best to establish a loving and supportive environment for these children. Occasionally guests of the ashram will volunteer their time at the school and that's always a nice treat for the kids.

Recently I have established a routine of getting the teachers to teach the children three new English words each week followed by an art workshop incorporating the words so they don't forget them. This past week was our first try. One of the words was pig so I decided we would make pig snouts for the kids to paint and take home. So with the help of a fellow Canadian, we made pig snouts (she did most of the hard labour) and got the kids to paint them any colour they wished. It was a fun afternoon, although a little messy, but the kids seemed to enjoy getting their hands dirty and doing something different. [Pictures below]

I have also established a 'reward program' to get the kids motivated and excited about learning. Everday the teachers will give a checkmark to those students who were well behaved, tried hard with their school work and made improvements from the day before. At the end of the week, the top three students will get a prize from the 1st place, 2nd place and 3rd place bag, respectively.

This past Saturday was our first prize giveaway and it worked well. We explained to all the students that everyone will eventually get a prize but that the three who got a prize this week did so because they tried really hard all week. I have already bought enough prizes for the next four weeks but to sustain this program for the next year I will need your help!

The list of things I still need to buy to improve the classrooms is growing. I need things like a blackboard, erasers and chalk, cardboard paper, markers, glue, sticky tack.....the list is endless.

I am also raising funds to rebuild the school building. At the moment, the kids are crammed into a small playroom which we've made into a makeshift classroom until the old school building is fixed up and functioning again. To do this I will need to raise at least $3000. Any additional funds will go towards paying a very modest salary to the teachers and petrol for the school bus which picks and drops off the children ever day (it aslo provides free trips to local men and women up and down the one main road in this village).

All you need to do to contribute is click on the button below which will take you directly to paypal.

Thank you to all in advance!  

Lily and teacher Rakhi help the kids paint their snouts

Rakhi helps one of the girls put on her snout

 



Little pigs



Group picture

THINKING OUT LOUD

What is it with expectations? Why do we hold ourselves up to this idea of a 'perfect' being? Can humans even be perfect? I don't think so. So long as we're in these bodies we'll continue to grow, evolve and change to be 'better' but perfection won't ever be reached until we literally become humanless. So why is it that we're so hard on ourselves yet so gentle and kind to others and sometimes to people we don't even know that well? Strange. But I guess that defines the human race. Strange. We're a strange bunch. We can build up a life we swear suits us perfectly only to be so unsatisfied by this life in a matter of a few months. I did this. I know people who did this and do this. But this is just us I guess. Humans. We're all just trying, I guess....What do I know;)

DECEMBER AT AUROVALLEY

In the center of the world!

It was a very busy month as I moved into the role of 'staff' here at the ashram. I was helping register people, book taxis, preparing rooms, serving meals, regulating the hot water and attending to visitors needs. All in all, it was a very good learning lesson in how to stay connected while still dealing with the pressures and stresses around you. Phew, a much harder lesson than I thought it would be. But I made it and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to  have taken part of the inauguration of the World Temple. You can read more about it here: http://www.aurovalley.com/index.php/aurovalley-ashram/world-temple

The two videos below are of the World Temple being decorated with flags and a Punjabi sibling quartet making music.



World Temple getting pretty for inauguration



Me and the little girl, Sonum, I tried to bribe into going to school - only worked for a few days. She prefers playing and running around the World Temple site.

Food serving team (me, Sara and Saroj)



Taking a break

Water bottles and soil that was placed under the tree at the World Temple - here in the meditation hall to recieve the blessing from Sri Aurobindo and The Mother first

School children watch the ceremony