MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT DEPRESSION - A TOP 10 LIST

If you've ever had or are currently dealing with depression you'll relate to the following and if you know someone who is then you really should read this.


1.  Just because I have a mental illness doesn't mean I'm now 5 years old. I can still read the tone in your voice as you ask me if I'm up-to-date on emails. That 'look' you give me when you see me working, as if I'm a maniac about to blow up any second. If you feel the need to treat me 'special' or see me any different than when you didn't know I had depression, just remember your actions are being felt and it's extremely patronizing which of course doesn't help. But I'll survive. I have till now.

2.  Just because my brain is foggy doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. Yes I may forget stuff and am having a hard time concentrating but I know what needs to get done and I'm trying my best to do it. Your assumption that i'm now physically challenged isn't helping. But I'll survive. I have till now.

3.  Just because I feel like I'm carrying a 1000 pound weight on my shoulder and am about to collapse at any moment doesn't mean I can't listen to your problems. In fact it can be a relief to get out of my own mind for a while and focus on you. I still have a heart and can offer advice and empathy. Last I checked I was a human just like you.

4.  Just because I have an illness you know nothing about doesn't mean it's contagious. Maybe that look you give me is actually one of fear and seeing me is a reflection of the darkness within you so you walk away because you would rather not deal but walking away from me can feel like a thousand daggers to the heart. But i'll survive. I have till now.

5.  Just because I have depression doesn't mean you have to walk on egg shells around me. Yes I may be a sensitive person and situations gets construed in my mind as negative but that doesn't mean I'm about to scream and yell or slit my wrists if you're not overly polite and gentle with me. I'm a person, not a fragile bird. In fact if you speak the truth it can be a huge relief. I'll survive. I have till now.

6.  Just because you've been around people who have had depression, doesn't make you an expert on the illness. Everyone's depression affects them differently and what works for one person may not for the next. You can't really know depression unless you've been in that dark hole yourself. It's like saying you're an expert on all the qualities of honey; consistency, molecular make-up, smell, but you don't know honey until you've tasted it.

7.  Just because I can't articulate what I'm going through doesn't mean I'm making it all up. All you may see and understand is that my thoughts are negative but it's so much more than that. It's a real illness and because it's not so easy to detect and the causes for it can be so vast and varied,  unfortunately it's not taken seriously a lot of the times. But I'll survive. I have till now.

8.  Just because I say I'm fine and push you away doesn't mean I don't need a hug. Sometimes that's all I need but keep your pity aside please. Just a human to human 'it's going to be okay' hug will do. But if you don't, I'll survive. I have till now.

9.  Just because you find it hard to be around me doesn't mean it's easy for me to be around myself. In fact whatever you're feeling and thinking about me, multiply that by a hundred and that's likely what I'm feeling and thinking about myself. I already feel worthless so knowing you can't 'handle' me makes it all the worse. But I'll survive. I have till now.

10.  Just because I've grown with this depression for years doesn't mean I'm superhuman now and can just bounce right back.  The worst part is the guilt that comes with knowing that happiness is a choice and knowing my life is in my control yet feeling completely out of control. Knowing that I am more than my mind makes me feel even worse when depression does take its hold of me because I should know better right? I may just be more confused than you about how it's possible depression can affect such a usually positive person like myself.

But it's all good because I know this too shall pass and so I pick myself back up everyday because I know if I don't no one will and because if I give in now, depression would have won along with all those misconceptions about it. Despite what everyone says, we are fighters, warriors in fact. The fight we fight is very much alone, quietly in our own minds & hearts and the battle wounds are buried deep within. But we'll survive. We have till now.

MOVIE ABOUT MY TRIP TO DHARAMSALA

https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/oJRUE4hAXhB_YASAr7ev8NMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=directlink - Paste this link

From July 9, 2015

FUNDRAISER FOR AN NGO IN ORLEANS, OTTAWA

I'm having a HUGE GARAGE & BAKE SALE TO RAISE FUNDS FOR AUROVALLEY SCHOOL 

(www.aurovalley.com)

If you're reading this you've probably heard about my involvement with the Ashram's school which provides a free, safe and harmonious atmosphere for children of the village of Raiwala.

It's an on-going project where we are improving the school in every aspect; refurbishing the old building; changing the style of 'teaching' which we'd like to be closer to a free-progress style; bringing in volunteers who want to dedicate their time at the ashram to this growing project.



The New School Building

 

So what exactly does this UNIQUE Garage sale entail?

• A Bollywood themed celebration of life - we're the house with loud film songs blasting!

• Baked goods (come enjoy samosas, cupcakes and fresh lemonade)

• And of course awesome items to purchase including a brand new microwave, treadmill and some barely used household items, books, shoes and everything in between!

 

WHEN: AUGUST 10TH @ 10AM

WHERE: 616 MERKLEY DR. (In Orleans behind Sir Wilfrid Laurier High School - Off Tenth Line Rd. from Hwy. 417)


If you are unable to stop by to contribute but want to help me raise funds you can do so by clicking the 'Donate' button below which will direct you to Paypal and then all you need is your credit card.

Thank you to all in advance!  

WHAT IS YOGA?

July 4, 2014

The yoga challenge finished long ago. It hadn’t seemed like a good time to write my thoughts on yoga until today - the day I left the ashram. It feels strange to leave a place that has become my home (where I feel most like myself).

Anyway, doing yoga asanas every day for thirty straight days wasn’t as challenging as I thought. It wasn’t a breeze either but after a while the body adjusts and even begins asking for it. I felt more flexible, stronger and generally more energetic and healthier so I’ll definitely be keeping up with it, just not on a mandatory basis. It felt good to follow through with something that I had been resistant to for so long. It also helped break some of my notions regarding benefits to the physical body. However the one thing that didn’t change is my feeling that doing asanas has something do to with yoga. It doesn’t. At least not for me.

So Swamiji and I chill out often while I’m at the ashram and one typical morning while having chai together I asked him what yoga is . He gave me an answer that I think will take me more than a little while to really know but one that is satisfying beyond my limited thoughts.

 

 

I CHEATED...TWICE

Written on May 22nd

So I skipped out on yoga the day before yesterday and today but I swear I had a really good reason. Me and a Colombian actress, Ana Maria Arango a TV actress who's kinda famous in her home town of Bogota for her reoccurring role in a TV series, are putting on a short play. The Fashion of Spirituality runs about 40 minutes and is about how the idea of spirituality has become the next big thing to invest in. As I'm sure everyone has noticed, people are willing to dish out hundreds of dollars on anything that gets them closer to a 'spiritual' lifestyle - which I seriously don't even know what that would look like and I think if you call your way of living spiritual then there's a good chance it's not. Maybe I'm being a little too harsh but I personally think it's silly when someone spends anywhere close to $100 on yoga pants. Let me assure you - and this coming from someone who has seen all sorts of people doing asanas daily over the last 2 years here at the ashram including the instructors - you do not need specially designed lycra or spandex pants to do downward dog.  Anyhow this is the theme of our play which we'll be putting on tonight. Gosh I haven't acted since Les Femme Fatales in the summer of 2011 just before I took off for Cambodia. Excited!

It's been super fun rehearsing and so the reason I missed yoga the one time was because our rehearsal went a bit long and with the temperature in the 40s I was already sweaty from walking around stage so there was no way I was about to begin intensive stretching when I was already pooped. Yesterday I missed yoga because while I was doing laundry I accidentally almost stepped on what looks like a bee on cocaine (a yellow orangey type freaky thing with a killer bite) and I'm totally not over exaggerating when I say I don't think I've ever felt that kind of pain. I thought I had sliced my foot in half. The pain was excruciating, so much so that shamefully I shed some tears and that too in front of Swamiji. A little embarrassing. But seriously I'm not joking about the pain. So that's why I had to miss yoga but I made up for it today by doing both the morning and afternoon class. I'm also planning on going over my 30 days just by a few for the missed sessions. So, I consider myself still on this challenge even if I've bent the rules more than once. Rules are totally meant to be broken so whatever;)

Ana Maria plays my mother. This is us attempting to meditate

 

2 WEEKS IN THE BAG

After my 4:30pm yoga class today, I will have completed two weeks of daily yoga. I’m beginning to think I can actual accomplish this challenge. Too be honest, I was skeptical when I first began but sticking to something even when you don’t exactly love it, has its own sense of reward.



Morning yoga - rooftop of the World Temple

Yeah sure my arms and core are getting stronger and I feel more energetic lately but there’s a faith in yourself that grows ever so slightly every time you can check off another day of having done asanas (yoga postures) - not that it's about just getting it done and over with. It's becoming, dare I say, slightly enjoyable. Slightly is the operative word here.

Best pose - relaxing

Swamiji talks about having faith in the Divine in you and not only in your capabilities which is not always easy. But when I begin having faith in my ability to muster up enough motivation and determination to keep going I realize that, that motivation and determination is there because of a higher idea of myself rather than the old belief of  ‘I am not capable of this.’ And for me, that is a small part of the Divine acting in me, through me. The Divine in me is my higher self – my highest potential. And I don’t think I’ve even reached close to 50% yet. 

Perhaps I’ve got it all wrong but then again I create what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ so I choose for it not to be wrong. It’s just where I’m at in this process of evolution called life. So there.

Okay so I just found out afternoon yoga class has been cancelled. Would this be ironic? Never really could come up with an example of irony and no Alanis Morrissette’s song ‘Ironic’ is not what irony is. That song should be called ‘shit happens’. But I’m not gonna take the easy road and skip yoga. I’m gonna attempt to do it on my own. I may only last 20 minutes (probably only 15) but I never did set a minimum time requirement to meet this challenge.…gotta love creating your own criteria;)

AN ACTUAL DISCUSSION OF WHAT YOGA IS  WILL BE IN THE NEXT POST…..

 

 

27 DAYS TO GO - WOLF OF WALL STREET & YOGA

So last night I stayed up well past by bedtime, 1am, to watch The Wolf of Wall Street. Wow...I couldn't not watch it. I felt as though I too was on drugs. I was addicted to this film. It was so extreme in so many ways and the fact that it is based on a memoir makes it even that much more disturbing. Which may of had something to do with my strange mood today. I've just been feeling confused and lost and actually I have been for the last few days. I'm not sure why exactly. And then of course I tell myself I should be able to get my shit worked out right? I mean I live at an ashram. I'm supposed to have control over my mind and be all Zen right? Yeah, no that's a load of crap - at least for me but that's not what I first thought when I got here. I naively thought it would take me a few months of meditating and living an ashram lifestyle (volunteering, not drinking, no TV, and following a discipline) to become a master of my mind and attain a permanent state of peacefulness and joy. Not so. I think if it were that simple ashrams would become the next popular holiday destination. And the ironic thing is, the more you want to 'become' some thing or state the less likely it is to happen since the very act of you wanting is what is stopping you. Damn ego!

So anyway, after not sleeping till about 1:30am I clearly could not wake up early enough for a morning run, yoga or meditation. However I did manage to go to yoga class this afternoon despite having a upset tummy and the blistering heat. It was more like steam-room yoga with the temperature hitting 42 degrees Celsius. Not sure how much longer I can do the classes in the afternoon. I think the mornings will soon become my only option but you never know. Maybe I'll get adjusted to the heat? Here's to hoping.



Exhausted - so not a yogi