It’s my 32nd birthday today. I hope I can
maintain this peaceful feeling all day. It seems like I’ve been away from the
ashram for more than two and a half weeks. Things have changed: there’s way
more people here and the temperature has dropped drastically. It’s really cold
in the mornings and evenings now- good thing I brought my warm clothes from Delhi
even though I think once November hits even they won’t suffice.
From today onwards I’m going to vow not to focus on all I
thought I would have accomplished by now and just be in the moment. It’s nice
to just BE – I have a hard time with that. My mind likes to take me down the
road of harmful thinking which has me wondering what more I could or should
have done to make myself happier. Thing is I don’t want to concern myself with
happiness anymore. It’s none of my concern. My only job is to just be and
follow my soul’s calling. Happiness will figure itself out;) To figure out
exactly what my soul wants, I need time. Time to change the way my mind works
or perhaps just getting my mind to stop it’s habitual thinking pattern. That
would be a huge accomplishment.
Anna, a girl a year younger than me, came over to me today just
to talk and find out what happened with my visa. She and I had got to know each
other when I had helped her with covering some books with plastic for the
library and also because I had edited Satsangs she had transcribed. Anyway, I
filled her in on my trip to Delhi and she was so open and receptive and
positive. It was really nice and I really needed it. She helped to restore my
faith in this path I’m on. Not everyone, actually not very many people at all,
will understand why one would choose to live in an ashram. It’s nice to know
another female my age is here for the same reasons as me and has gone through
some tough moments but is now finally feeling connected and clear about her
life. It was so beautiful to listen to her and watch her speak with such
enthusiasm – she wasn’t always like this. It was such a generous birthday
present and I really couldn’t have asked for more. I’m hopeful again and I’m so
grateful I’m here. I’m 32 and I feel blessedJ
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