ASHRAM CONTINUED

So while I've been staying at the ashram, I've had the opportunity to play with the children who come here during the week for school. The teachers and the children are picked up by the Ashram's yellow school bus from around the village and brought here to learn and play. It's so fun and fulfilling to play with them and teach them whatever I can. Swamiji has also given me the opportunity to play and try to teach some of the workers' kids. There is a new building being built here and the workers have come from smaller villages and so the kids have never been to school and don't know basics like counting to 10 in Hindi. I'm doing what I can. Meanwhile, my camera is barely working any more and I think it's going to die on my pretty soon however I've managed to snap a few more pics of this place. 

View from my room of the dinning Hall and school bus below

My room

Dinning are

One of the newer buildings where I was staying before I
moved out of the AC room 

MORE OF WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME:

July 9

I thought I was making progress and today I feel like I’m back at square one. I know my mind is working it’s old tricks on me. The feeling of disappointment is settling in and it’s hard to silence it. But I’m trying and I’m just going on what Swamaji says: trust in yourself and have some willpower. I will surrender myself to the divine, gosh darn it I will!!!!

July 10

I felt something real today. I sensed that I was before and I will be after this life: After my body finishes. I was here before; here on Earth. I saw blue today, well I always see an electric blue energy but I also saw a flash of green. After dinner Swamiji called me over to chat. He gave some more advice, as he always does when I need it – I think he can just sense it. I asked him what green represented in The Mother’s wheel and he said transformation. It’s true, I’m going through a major transformation and it’s beautiful.

July 11

A little closer to reaching clarity.

July 12

My ego is hurt. My mind won’t allow me to go deeper into myself. Swamiji told me to closely protect my atama (soul). I’m trying.  

July 13

Swamiji called me over today and told me not to worry about the thoughts I have been having: about my money running out. I then asked him if he can just sense what I’m feeling. He gave it to me straight. He said sometimes when someone walks by he can sense their energy and their mind displays in front of him like a movie and sometimes he sees flashes like lightening. So cool. 

July 15, (Typed using the Ahsram's computer on July 22)
I was in the middle of updating my blog this afternoon when my computer crashed. All of a sudden I get a message that Windows has stopped working and then when I go to restart my computer I get a technical message that I don't understand but basically saying my computer is facing a problem and won't start-up. Ugh, so frustrating. Then I remember: I need to learn from this and then I get the message; Stop using the computer! For days now there hasn't been any wifi access and the other day, Deana (the receptionist/yoga asana teacher) told me that wifi access has been low ever since I came. I haven't been listening to the message from The Mother (aka The Universe) who has been preventing me from using the net so she had to take drastic measures. Silly how I was so frustrated at first. I mean it's only a machine and if I need to buy a new one and if the need is really great, I'll be able to afford it. For now I'm just grateful that I have eyes I can see with and a hand that can still jot down my thoughts the old fashioned way - pen to paper. 

July 17, (After a 2 hour meditation session)
Nothing in life is really what it seems. There's something so much more important than what meets the eye. Everything I used to think was important or mattered, doesn't. My priorities are shifting. My whole perspective is changing. I am so much more than what I may represent. 

July 18, 
I am all; love, beauty, nature, forces, music, movement, earth, sky, bliss. Puja with her strong vital and mental nature is gone. I am the master now and the vital, mind and physical will obey me. They will manifest only the Divine. I need to express.