AUROVALLEY ASHRAM

Link to Aurovalley Ashram


June 26th 
It’s been a day and half and I’m already at peace. As soon as I walked in the front gates I knew this was the place for me. And when I met Swami Brahmdev that feeling was validated. He has this aura about him. It’s like he’s so at peace with himself and the world that the wisdom he has gained radiates off of him. 

Swamiji told me to follow him one evening. He was going to show me the 'labratory'. He was a few steps ahead of me and with his flowing white gown, flip flops and his mid length grey hair slicked back, I could have sworn it was God himself. I was told to repeat 'Om' in this large circular room where the sound echos and radiates back to you. You can feel your own vibrations in this place. Anyhow I chanted for about 5 minutes and somethign happened. I can't even describe what it was but I felt something greater than myself. Swamiji was waiting for me outside and he knew I felt something without me having to say anything. He suggested I come to this room as much as possible. He told me it will help me. It has. 

The Mother's symbol which I was repainting - she is one of
the philosophers/gurus who inspired this ashram

June 29^th
This is the first day I try to meditate without my ego. After about what felt like 20 minutes of counting my breath, I felt a sudden strong energy fill me. It was thick and heavy like solid mercury filling me up. I was sitting with God. We were talking and it wasn't really with words, or maybe mine were but Her answers to my questions came in feelings and just assurances in myself. I think I always knew it was in me. She would speak to me quietly and then at times much more loudly. But my mind and ego were strong. They wanted to rebel and not listen to that feeling. 

July 3, 2012

I always wanted to express myself through acting and writing. I think when I was really young about 5 or 6, I wanted to just act and then as I got older I wanted my acting to be seen by many so that I could be admired, justified. Little did I know that I didn’t have to do anything to justify my existence. The innocence of who I am has been painted over many times through my life and now I’m trying hard to scrap it all off to see what lies underneath.

July 4

I saw God today and I don’t mean I saw nature and saw God in a matter form. I mean I actually saw what God is while meditating. It was so strange. I have been asking myself the ‘big question’ ever since I was 14 – what is God and why does this universe exist? Well I only got an answer to the first question. So today during meditation I had my eyes closed and began counting my breaths, as usual, while visualizing an Om in space. I asked God to show herself to me. I told The Divine that when I got to 100 breaths, to reveal the truth of what we all call God is. I couldn’t handle it. It was like this massive, huge, enormous, vast, strong, all encompassing supernova type of light. It felt like my brain was going to explode and I had to open my eyes before it really did. I couldn’t sit in the meditation hall any more. I had to leave. I had no idea what had just happened. I don’t know if my own mind was playing tricks on me and I had only imagined what I saw, felt or if it was the Truth. So I went to the laboratory to connect with The Divine to get clarification. I told her I was going to stay there and chant Om until I got an answer. I got one. I wasn't going to get the answer I wanted. I wasn't going to get a clear cut answer. But then again, God never promised me a clear cut answer, she just promised me an answer. The Divine is so vast and the reasons she created this game is something humans will never know nor perhaps need to know in order to play the game. I do know that if I keep going after the impossible questions, I’m going to miss out on the Diviness around me. I’m not going to be able to manifest my true self and that’s the reason I’m here on Earth. 

The dinning hall 

July 6

My mind is so powerful. It’s judging and arguing and fighting. It doesn’t want to be silenced. It’s behaving like it usually does telling me I can’t do it. That it’s not possible for me to find my true self. I just have to trust in what I felt a couple of days ago but I’m wavering so I’m going to put my trust in Swamiji who told me to keep courage and keep on.

It’s very strange and more than a coincidence that ever day when i’m going through whatever block or whatever I’m feeling, Swamiji will come over and give me advice that keeps me having faith. He knows what I’m thinking without me saying a word. I don’t get it but then again there are so many things going on within and around me that i don’t understand lately.


TO BE CONTINUED...