My palm tree

You may notice this finished palm tree is a bit odd looking. I never said I was a professional painter. I still get that beachy feeling and that's all that matters. Yes, yes it does!

Luck

I wonder about luck. Being in the right place at the right time or the wrong place at the wrong time. What determines some to get a lucky break and others not? Maybe it's just as random as getting hit by a truck and dying. I doubt it's based on being chosen by the 'almighty' but then who knows. I'm also becoming increasingly frustrated by the fact that I'm not reaching my potential. I'm not really doing what I need to do in life. I'm not helping anyone, not saving anyone, not educating anyone...I'm just a part of the machine.

My beach wall

Start from the bottom and scroll up. I'm surprised at how far it's come and I'm not even done!

wondering

I've made no risks since my last blog. Maybe that will be my new years resolution; To take risks and just go for it. Maybe I'll do the L.A. thing next year instead of 2011. I mean it's not like I'll be better prepared in 2011 than I am now. I can't wait to see my new headshots. I wonder if it'll make a difference.
You know what I like about blogs, you can say and write whatever you like in any way you like. You don't have to be grammatically correct. Love it.
I got nothing today

NO TITLE

I just finished watching My Sister's Keeper. It was good. The book was better but then again they always are. But they did a good job making it into a film. It was sad, I cried.
I've started on the palm trees. I've almost completed one whole tree! So exciting. My sister came over the other day and she said it looked professional! Yah! I'm not the amateur I thought I was. My place is feeling more and more homey.
So last night when I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I wondered, if I were to die today and I could look back on my life and do things differently, what would I change. After moments of pondering this question I realized I would have been fearless. I've realized I've lived most of my life making decisions based on my fears. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of making a mistake. And now, knowing that most likely I'll live a while, do I really take this information and take the risks I've wanted to for so long or do I just keeping living, the way I always have?

Argggggggggggg

Jealousy, sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, stubbornness, fear...life. Arg...I hate life sometimes. I really do. It's never easy is it.

?

It's quarter to 2am on Monday November 16th. I'm really tired but don't want to shut eye just yet. I had a very hectic day at work today but fulfilling. I'm glad I booked a chat on Burma. I'm realizing I can push for issues if I pitch the idea well. Being 'the media' makes you wonder where you belong is this information feeding machine. I mean am I really responsible or is it the powers above who are to blame for media frenzy??