Self-Love

Where does self love begin? According to John welwood (mentioned in previous blog) it begins with awareness of your longing for love from the 'outside'. I have always thought I was born without the gene that connects you to self love but now I realize I was born just like everyone else. What happened is that slowly my self worth began chipping away and I don't know exactly why. I remember always trying. Trying to be better like her, try to do it like her, try to look like her, try to act like her and maybe you'll finally be enough. I never felt enough just as I was. Not enough to be really wanted, really liked, really loved. I've been running away from anything that makes me who I am because if I get far enough away from my core and if I keep trying to be better, I'll be happy. I've been travelling in the wrong direction this whole time. Instead of connecting to my own heart and uniqueness, I've been trying to connect to the outside. Trying to connect with exercising, eating right, reading books to make myself more intelligent, meditation, people...I am not doing the thing I need to most which is connect with ME. How do I do this??
When I close my eyes and feel what I long for, it's a feeling of wanting to feel like I am enough and without this feeling it's like there's this big empty cavity in the middle of my heart. And this is what I've tried to fill with things and people from the outside. So now what? After this realization? How do I begin feeling enough? Giving myself the love that I am looking for others to provide? How do I love myself ??????